Mishaps at the Pleasure Chest…

Pinterest

boudoir

SFG Slumber Party

Dear Diary,

As many of you know, SFG Lauren’s bachelorette was last weekend and we had quite the fiesta!  To prepare for the big event, I put all prudishness aside and decided to visit a little place called The Pleasure Chest.

Now, let me just start by saying that I had never been to a sex shop before this, nor did I ever think I would visit one.  Not that I’m a total goody-goody, but I never hopped on the Fifty Shades of Gray bandwagon, and…okay, fine, I’m a little straight-laced.

Even trying to find the store front gave me anxiety!  I had the address, but couldn’t for the life of me find it!  I was pacing back and forth along Santa Monica Blvd searching, when, finally, a gas station attendant asked me if I was lost and what I was looking for.  I sweetly said, “Oh nothing …just browsing.”  Browsing?!  Browsing, what…!?  The sidewalk?!!  (That was an inner monologue by the way…)

That freaked me out enough that I promptly called another bridesmaid for support.  As my palms started to sweat, she talked me back in the right direction, directing me to a storefront I had already passed.  The window displaying a colorful array of what I originally thought were iPhone accessories.  So, that’s a…  Ohhhhh….  Okay, that doesn’t look so scary.  Maybe I’ll be able to handle this after all! Wishful thinking…

I was alarmed to be greeted by a friendly older man who was heavy-set and balding.  This guy works here?  Awkward moment #1:  he approached to ask me what I was into and if I needed any help.  I think I’m good, thanks.  Ahhhh!  Get me out of here!  This is already like a weird, really creepy dream.

I decided to persevere out of love for Lauren, but I was already overwhelmed, my eyes frantically darting around the room looking for something less intimidating than the back corner, which I wanted to avoid at all costs!  Thankfully, I landed on a cutesy section of bachelorette gag gifts, and found refuge in a pink glittery aisle.  I figured this would be a good starting point.  I grabbed a deck of playful bachelorette cards and made sure that they were very visible to the rest of the shoppers, as if to say, “See, I’m only here for my friends!”

I gained a little confidence as I saw other “normal looking” patrons perusing.  I took a deep breath:  go time.  Let’s see whatcha got Pleasure Chest!  I headed over to a more “advanced” section to check out the latest lotions and potions.  I crouched down to grab something off the bottom shelf, and next thing you know, I’m laying on the floor in a sea of dildos.  Graphic, I know, but I want to paint you a vivid picture of the horror I was experiencing.  When I bent down I backed into – for lack of better words – a dildo tower.  So there I was, trying to pretend like nothing happened, but surrounded by dozens of “feminine devices” and wanting to die.  I panicked AGAIN and swiftly started scooping them up – a process made infinitely more difficult by the fact that several of them had turned on when they hit the floor.  I’m sure the person manning the security cameras in the back was getting a real good laugh.

Then, the employee working the front counter sprung (no pun intended) to my rescue?!  KILL.  ME.  NOW.  I wanted to run away, but he reminded me that I still needed to check out.  I sheepishly made my way to the counter with my “don’t judge me” bachelorette playing cards, and swore to never return.  Such an #SFGmoment!

sfg-pillow-fight

Pillow Fight SFG

Signature

 

Photos: Sam Zachrich

Share with your friends
Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Facebook14Pin on Pinterest3

Speak Your Mind

*

Skinny Fat Girl Diary